I have only my mama now , my papa had passed away in 2003 .
Well , I admit when my papa was still alive I didn't like him because he didn't agree if I have my own dream to be a teacher or writer , he said its only belong to the rich because in that period very difficult for the common people to have job or to continue study , I supposed him to say ' well, you can reach for your dream , we just hope the period will change where all the people has the same chance to have their dream ' or 'if you work and study hard maybe there is some body who will help you to reach your dream ' .
Then..I know..what to say if thaht was all he knew ?

Now , by this story I make conclusion according to my mama words :'what parents do or say to us doesn't mean they don't love / caring to us or not understand  us , it is just different of showing love or caring  or just different  experience in life  , maybe that is  all parents know to show love/caring  ' .
If that is all parents know about life then what sould we do ?
I realise  then that in the future maybe my children also will say so that I am not a good parents for them or can I be a good parent for my children later ?

For you who live in the developed country where parents only think to find ggod education for children so you have more chance to be with parents .
For us who live in developing country where everything is not easy to get like just to have birth file in order to proof that we can not pay school tuition , in some place even must wait till they get frutration to have birth file so decide not to go to school like in some place in Java , many people doesn't go to schol they just enter the factory or home industry to work so they can learn how to make this or that .
Many school also cooperate with the publisher to sell books in school with every year have different book even the same subject so the next grade can not use the used book from brother/sister , must buy book every year is very difficult for parents but if have no book the teacher will be complain .
Many parents doesn't bring the children to school just bring them to work or to get married early so parents doesn't need to worry about their life again .

I was born from busy parents , early morning my parents had to go to rice field then back after the sun set some time after we had slept in the night so I can see them  some time only in Monday because we should go to church .
When I was little child , my parents brought me to rice field with my little brother was still a baby , he lay on hammock and when he cried for pee my mama only say this from the deep muddy rice field because she was dirty so she was lazy to change my little brother pant : ' yes, I am coming ' but she never came till the lunch time .
We brought our lunch to the rice field some time my mama cooked for dinner in the field and we had diiner in the field .
My papa some time worked with road constructor , some time he worked in far place so we could meet only once in a month , when we have vacation from school my papa brought us to see the place of his work , he show us the uniqu plants , etc and some time my papa brought us to town to eat in a restaurant although I knew the next time maybe my papa have no job anymore but he tried to show his attention to us that children also need to feel how to eat in a restaurant in town .
When I remember this my eyes often fell down , parents always try hard to do anything to make children feel happy .

When I and my little brother enter the school , my parents always said this when they went to rice field ' look after your little brother , don't go to the road and don't play in bath room . ( because we have well to take water , so my parents afraid of my little brother will fall in to the well ) .
I had had my brother but all the memories I remember with him only that my brother was a cheerful boy , handsome , never complain , he could cook , made clean the house till there was accident who killed him , he died in hospital after a few hours arrived there .

My brother was at grade 5th in elemetary school when he died .
My mother was very shock after my brother had died ,  she often found cry on his grave till my papa menaced to bring us to his job in far place if my mama only taking care the death then my mama got surprise then being calm , can do activity as normal again .
So , we grown up independently .
Some time my neighbours who stay at home saw us and asked 'have you eaten ? ' or ' do you have homework ?' .
When my parents back home from the rice field often almost at dark ,  we had done bathing , dinner and we were reading or even fallen asleep because tired too much playing out side .
Yet ..we were lucky though ..other kids must help parents in doing parents job so no time for playing out side as kids should be , even though playing out side is not very  important because what kids got from playing out side anyway? Tiring then easy to angry or fight with other kids or fever from dehidration because run to far but not bring the drink . So better for them who must work to help parents job so they become skillful after grown up or the rich who has money to enter course like music , sewing , etc .

OK..I want to tell you about my mama also , she has 8 siblings and I wonder how they have grown up  , she said just the same as we are  but my grand mother control them like military then often said when she was angry like this :'if you want to survive , you eat , if you want to get respected then be a good person , if u want to be clever you study ..up to you what do you want to be ...I am tired ..! '
Just one of them became a bad guy after return from Batam island , he said when he worked in Batam island he also sell people for slavery to Malaysia or Singapore but now he is reborn , being a good person , works hard , taking care his family .

The same thing also happened to my cousins who live in the city in Jakarta , Jakarta is well known with traffic jam city so very difficult to reach for some thing soon , you can imagine my uncle worked in the coffee shop in bus terminal which takes around half hour from house if no traffict jam , they worked from mornig till morning during the big holiday like Christmas , Idul Fitri , school holiday , etc the other day they can see my cousins one after another in turn , mostly my cousins also has grown up independently .
All of my cousins are succeeded with their study and now they have their own job and all of them are in order and cohesive to each other .

So , what do you think about this ? Does parents get involve totally in your emotion and behaviour growing ? Or some also depend on you what personality do  you want to be ?
kasih ibuYes, maybe because we were born from good parents , how the person who was born from bad behavour parents like alcoholic , gambler , etc ? Well .. should we imitate the bad side of our parents ? Or we must see the good side of our parents ?

After grown up now I often say to my mama that i can not send her some money thenshe said ' you can pay your own needing is happiness is enough for parent , just to know children become good person is a grea t happiness for parent ' .
Yes, mama is right but I often feel sad to remember that I never paid traveling ticket for my papa , just don't want it happen to my mama .
Do you think this picture is right  : ' a mother can take care 10 children but 10 children can not tke care 1 mother ' ?